FAQ About Anger

Thank you for your powerful, insightful questions! I am so glad I could provide a bit of insight into the multitude of ways anger can affect each one of our lives. 


Question # 1:  My entire life I was taught to suppress anger. I have taken great pride in being a NICE person. Is it possible to get over a lifetime of conditioning? 

Answer:  Being the NICE person is often a way of being the peacekeeper. And being a peace keeper usually means denying your own desires which builds internal resentment. It Is possible to get over this, even with a lifetime of conditioning. In the Straight Talk About Anger Tele-Series, We will be exploring why it feels important to you to be NICE and ways to make sure that your desires and needs get met as well so that the NICENESS comes from a place of "just because you want to", not "because you feel the need to, or are conditioned to."


Question # 2:  Will you be doing any kind of body work training in your 5 week course?  I am familiar with EFT and know that its effective, but I don't do it regularly.  I've also tried Reiki but that involves having another person do something to you.  Is there something that you can teach the class where we can do some energy work to get rid of deep seated anger?

Answer: Yes. In the Straight Talk About Anger Tele-Series, You will be shown how to easily integrate EFT tapping techniques to address feelings of frustration and anger. You will also explore ways to create a safe space in your body to allow yourself to feel and embrace emotions such as anger. In addition, you will be gifted your own EFT Tapping Guide and Weekly Action Sheets.  


Question # 3:  I have really been struggling with some things this last month. Why is it that the people you like and try to help, just walk all over you? They appear to like you, but in reality just using you to get what they want or need. I guess overall, Why are there so many users in the world?

Answer:  Great Question! And one that commonly shows up… There are multiple layers to this.  In my experience,  there are people who happen to easily see, either consciously or unconsciously, where they can take advantage of a situation or person for their benefit. And because the opportunity is presented they go for it. Whether that person is seen as a "user" or a "go getter" is largely related to your perceptions and how you feel about yourselves and the position you are taking. I know that might sound off and I am not making what they do ok, so please  bear with me…

You are not able to change someone else, so you have to look what place are you coming from in trying to "help" them. What is your own intention? How do you leave yourselves open to continue to being "used"? How attached are you to them actually using your help? And what and how are your executing own boundaries and saying NO when you need to? I know these are a lot of questions, but they are really important ones to ask yourself. In the Straight Talk About  Anger Tele-Series we will be exploring this further because feeling "used", especially when it continues on a regular basis, is generally a sign of Powerlessness, one of the hidden things about Anger that we will explore deeply so you can get your personal power back.

Question # 4:  What are some healthy ways to express anger when you cannot actually address the situation or the person?( Anger from the past, or when a person is dead?)

Answer:  The expression of anger is usually for ourselves, not for the other person. So even if there is anger that is from the past, or when a person is dead, there are multiple ways to explore and express that anger in a way that it diffuses. One way you can immediately start to express it is through journaling. I must make it clear, though, that for the sake of the expressing, when you journal, let your journaling be uncensored. Say whatever comes out. And, expressing that anger from the place of the age you were at can be very powerful so that the younger you, that somehow got frozen inside due to the injustice or anger, can begin to reclaim her/his power and create a different imprint. There are other ways, as well, that can be used that we will be discussing in the Tele-Series: Straight Talk About Anger.


Question # 5:  I have so many issues around anger but my coach keeps me centered, however, if I had one question it would be: How, when you feel this ball of anger, hatred and disgust inside to a point where you feel you might explode, can you diffuse this bomb, without damaging yourself?

Answer: Yes, there are various ways to diffuse an internalized ball of anger, and yes, it can definitely be done without damaging yourself-in fact it can be done in a way that is healing and provides a healthy release of suppressed anger. I often am working at this deep level with my own clients and I use a uniquely individualized plan for each of them in a way where they get resolution very quickly. Depending on your own patterns of how you tend to deal with anger, I may suggest a specific exercise that would be most beneficial for you. One thing you can begin to start with if you feel that "you might explode" is to begin to ask yourself specific questions that begin to unveil what it is you are REALLY angry about. Because often times the situation at hand that makes us feel like "we want to explode" is a warning sign that we are not addressing an underlying issue that this situation represents for us. This is not always easy, and we will be incorporating a variety of techniques I will be showing you in the tele-series including breathing techniques, what questions you can begin to ask yourself, and how you can begin to recognize your body's ability to create a safe space to explore and feel your anger in a way that is valuing your emotions.  We will be going more in depth about the ways that will work best for you in this 5 week Tele-Series Straight Talk About Anger.


I also wanted to add one more thing. Forgive me if I am a little direct here…. You made the comment  "my coach keeps me centered." What are the tools you are using to keep yourself centered? The only way to really be centered and address the type of anger you are describing is to develop the internal resources for yourself. A coach, or a healer, like myself or the person you are working with, is the conduit, or the guide, to allow for the unfolding of your own personal power and to be there to support your continued growth to wholeness and joy, which is your birth right. I am here committed to that for you.



Question # 6:  Realistically, can we really undo to shame as anger as fear cycle?  It seems way too deeply imbedded in our psyches and bodies.

Answer: Even though the shame, anger, and fear cycle may be deeply embedded in the psyche and the body, it can be healed and re-solutioned when the underlying issues are truly addressed. I, personally am a living example of that. You can read about how I have overcome my own past of trauma, abuse and anger here: www.StraightTalkAboutAnger.com. By addressing the various underlying cycles that hold you in a powerless state (convincing you that things can't really change), you are then able to consciously recognize the choices that you have to change the pattern and create new possibilities. My clients often see huge transformations once there is a shift in consciousness of how they can become empowered by recognizing the cycles that are playing out in their lives and intervening to make a different choice. 


Question # 7: Many times I don't necessarily experience "anger," but rather something more akin to PTSD–where I get overwhelmed and hamstrung about making the "right" decision regarding a given dilemma that also seems to carry a heavy emotional valence.  A current example is whether to move my mother to a memory care facility in order to be closer to the rest of my family, or move her to another state where I can see her almost daily and better manage her care.I was in a deep quandry as to what was "best" for mom, for my sibs, for me, etc. and spent days researching and interviewing different places–wanting to "get it right."  So after reading some of your comments about hidden anger, I questioned whether my "helplessness" might have been anger in disguise.  And since I want to be transparent, I'm curious about diving deeper into that query. 

Answer: Thank you for your willingness to explore this and be transparent. Often times the "need to get it right" and feelings of "helplessness" are related to hidden components of Powerlessness and Anger. I say this because the "need to get it right" implies that there could be guilt and shame if it is "not right". Looking for the "best decision in the moment" is a very different energy than the "need for the right decision". In the Tele-Series Straight Talk About Anger, we will be discussing how the "perfectionism" cycle or habit, and overwhelm relates to hidden anger.


Question # 8: I have really strong anger towards my ex-husband about how he treats our daughters. And I understand they are adults and have to deal with him on their own. For ex. he stopped paying health insurance without even telling me or her. Stuff like this really bothers me.

Answer: I do not have a clear question here so I will respond to this from what I am sensing. First of all, It makes perfect sense that this would bother you, if only for the fact they are your daughters. AND.. There is a difference between caring and having compassion versus being attached to an outcome. When you are attached to an outcome then anger is usually the first response when things don't go as you planned or wished. (I know this cycle well). My sense is that observing this behavior is triggering deeper things within you where you may have felt betrayed yourself. Once you are able to confront your own feeling of betrayal and hurt then there will be less charge about what is happening with your daughters. That does not mean you will care any less for them. It simply means that you will not take it so personally in a way that hold you back. In the Straight Talk About Anger Tele-Series, we will be covering some ways to heal this cycle within yourself. My clients have tremendous success breaking this cycle when we work individually together.


Question # 9: If your youngest constantly thinks you do not pay attention to her and thinks the oldest is always your favorite, what is the solution? The youngest will always try you and you end up giving into her too much. I guess some of this is being a teenager but I am the type of person who takes and takes and finally blows up. She can be very negative and take it out on us. Thank goodness she does not have any behavior problems at school. She has a good heart for other people. It is me and her sister that get the negativity, sometimes her Dad too.

Anger: There are multiple layers to this. Some of which we will definitely be covering in the Tele-Series  Straight Talk About Anger.  When your own internal anger gets addressed, you will be less likely to blow up and be able to stand your ground. Also, if anywhere in your own life you are feeling ignored or not getting enough attention then it is likely this issue will continue to show up with your daughter or somewhere else until you heal that part within you and are able to really ask for what you need and desire. If not then the cycle of Blame and feeling you have no choice takes over which then leads to feeling Powerless and Guilt, all of which are part of the Anger cycle. In this Series we will be exploring real tools on how to take a stand for what matters to you and create boundaries where your own needs get met.


Question #10: When I feel angry about something, a part of my body will twitch or shake. I was wondering what that would be, or if it's just a release.

Answer: Sometimes twitching and shaking will happen when anger is being released. Other times it may be that you are trying to hold your anger in, and it feels uncontrollable the body will twitch and shake from holding on to it. A great thing to do is get up and start moving or find a way to consciously release it. One of my personal favorite ways is to have a boxing or kickboxing bag to use to move the energy through.

Even more importantly, make sure you are completely inhaling and exhaling. Full deep breaths are vitally important for running any type of energy or intense emotion through the body. Get on your feet and feel the strength of your legs as your feet connect with the ground. Let your attention focus on your breath and what it feels like to feel your legs and take intentional steps that allow the energy you are feeling to move through you. Once you feel connected to the ground, are breathing fully and connected to the present moment, there is a safety that begins to be felt in the body to FEEL. And when you get to that place, the ability to FEEL other feelings becomes possible.

Anger is often a cover up for other feelings. Accessing the Anger from NOW helps get to what else is really going on. 


If you find that you can relate to these experiences, and your own questions begin to arise around Anger, this is likely a sign that you are ready to explore how you can address your anger in your own life. Please take this opportunity to explore more of what is possible for you by checking out the link below that has a fun 10 question quiz to see if Hidden Anger is Running Your Life, as well as additional information on the course "Straight Talk About Anger"

Click Here for more information on Teresa's Powerful New Tele-Series

– The Straight Talk About Anger

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me at teresalea@intouchinlife.com